Talk about consistency! Two days in a row, I think I'm breaking a record or something! All jokes aside, My goal is an entry each day even if I don't have much of substance to offer which is what today feels like. I can't be deep and philosophical every day...or can I?
Today started much like yesterday, much like many days. I'm finding the television with breakfast after school drop off routine hard to break and I'm giving myself a break by focusing on the addition of positive for now. I can always work on breaking less than desirable habits. They aren't going anywhere.
I have actually accomplished a couple of things solely for myself today. Some books were recommended to me by a friend regarding making a business by selling crafts so I put those on hold at the library. What I'm most proud of though is the fact that I stopped making excuses and sat my ass on the floor and did 20 minutes of yoga! I was gentle with myself as I'm way out of practice and I did it.
Focusing any amount of energy on something for just me is tough enough without additionally asking me to take better care of my body. In all things self care this has definitely been the most difficult. If my body is a temple then it's that one in an adventure movie that's crumbling and covered in vines. Taking this ole shell down off the shelf and dusting it off has been a challenge my entire life. And this is one of the essential parts of my journey.
I could repeat all the cliches like, No one else is going to do it for me, or, There's no time like the present, but I'll spare you all that. What it comes down to is how do I really see myself. When I look inside and poke around, when I imagine my best self that is only revealed to me, what do I see? Well it's slightly different from what is currently presented to the world, I'll tell you that.
I do my best to live in acceptance of things, of life on life's terms, believing that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be in this moment. I've learned, for myself, that for any change to occur, I must first love and accept me, just like this. But I don't have to turn a blind eye to that woman I see when I close my eyes. It doesn't mean I want to be like someone else, or that I don't like who I am. It just means that's I know there is a different and, in my opinion, better version of me screaming and kicking to get out and share herself with the world.
And here's where I pause because I'm led to describe her now and that scares the shit out of me...but what is this for if not shit scaring honesty?
She's a still soft and curvy, yet smaller version of my current form. She's physically strong. Not a body builder or athlete by any means but possesses physical strength my current incarnation lacks. She enjoys and is capable of being active as all the daily physical ailments have been remedied. And she always talked about all those tattoos she wanted...guess she was serious! She earns a modest yet sufficient income through several avenues, all of which bring her joy and personal fulfillment. She feels confident calling herself an artist, perhaps for the first time in her life, as creating is a part of daily existence. She makes traveling to new (and old) places a regular priority in her life and may even get paid to do so. She believes anything she wants she can have and isn't too afraid to try to get it. She loves her husband and children more every day that passes and still practices being patient and kind in each moment available. Her connection to her God is strong and something she cultivates with gratitude daily. She offers herself in service regularly to various groups and is appreciated for her time and talents.
Hang in there long enough folks and you may just get to meet her/me. ;)
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