Let's get this party started

This morning, while in the shower (where I do most of my great thinking) I got the big idea that I should finally, actually, really this time, no really, start a blog.  But I'm not a blogger...anyone can be a blogger.  Well anyone who can start something they decide they really want to do and develop the discipline to keep up with it.  I'm not a blogger.

So this is my first step in, dare I say, making some changes in my life?  I think I'm starting to feel tired of being stuck.  But I reserve the right to change my mind tomorrow.  Or later today...excuse me while I play Happy Street.

What has possessed me to blog about something you ask?  Well it all started a few days ago when I attended an Idea Party hosted by a dear friend and personal hero of mine, Chelsea.  At this gathering, which consisted of about 10 women ranging in ages from 35-60 something, we were asked to come prepared with a statement than answered the question "What is my dream and what are my obstacles?" In my typical form I had not set pen to paper to prepare my statement rather I "had it in my head".

As the meat of the gathering began I realized that I really needed to write something down.  What I wrote was super vague and I didn't think most people there, who did not know me previously, would be able in the slightest to give me feedback.  So I came up with another statement, still vague but more to the heart of the matter.  Here's what I wrote:

My wish is to find personal purpose.
My obstacles are excuses, self limitation and I just don't know where to begin.

I had no idea that what would come out of that would actually set a proverbial fire under my ass...well as much of a fire as can ever be set under my well padded ass.  What I learned was that what's been missing from my life, for more years than I realized, was me.

In the last 8 years my life has taken quite a dramatic turn.  The two biggest blessings in my life have come to me and I have been working really hard to be the best I can for them.  My boys are my world and I, like the good woman I like to think I am, am totally devoted to them.  For years it was out of survival I devoted myself.  My "mom-ness" kicked in and overrode all other aspects of myself.  Sure, there were periods where I tried to "find myself" and I even had some small success.  But I've always gotten sucked back in to my devotional mode which is comfortable and easy.  It's so much easier to do for other people than for myself.  Once I figure that one out I'll write the book and collect the check.

Meeting and marrying my husband has also been dream and destiny fulfilling and has given me more joy than I could have ever imagined.  And it's all just been one more way that I ignore the most important person in my life, me.

So what to do about it?  Well, the first step today, when making my daily list of what needs doing, was to be very conscious of countering each item for "others" with an item just for me.  So today my list looked like this:

kitchen floor, O's laundry
yoga, start blog

So two for me and two for them. And as I write, this is the only list item I've accomplished :)  So I'd say that's a pretty good start!

As lazy as I feel I've been today, at least I've accomplished something just for me.  And that, for me, is the point of this blog.  To have a place to report how I'm putting myself first and what that looks like each day.  And how I attempt to balance everything else.  Because I've built a life around doing for others, which I don't for a minute believe will be easy to extricate myself from.  Nor do I desire that completely.  I love to help people.  It brings me real joy.  So I'm going to continue all the service I give to school and scouts and other areas of my life that are so important to me now.

But, and this essential, I'm going to, however slowly, learn how to put myself first.  I fully expect it to be like a job that I will have to work hard at and commit to.  But at this point I'm not sure I have much of a choice.  Now is the time to make changes.  Not because of what age I am or because of something financial or health related.  But because it's just time.  Because I said so!

So if you are reading this, you are now part of my journey.  You can hold me accountable. I will need it.  And I will do the same for you, if you like, in whatever way you need.  I refuse to not let my dreams come true because I let life happen.  I'm going to start fulfilling them today and I'm not going to stop until I'm done.